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| Lazyboy TV |
Are You Qualificated?
Facts Of Life
Inhale Positivity
Desiderata
I Love N.Y.
The Manual (Chapter 4)
Underwear Goes Inside the Pants
Man Woman (Yin & Yang)
This Is Truth
We Only Read The Headlines
It's All About Love |
| » Are You Qualificated? « |
Do you consider yourself intelligent?
Are you ready to go all the way?
Are you married?
How do you rank yourself?
Are you punctual?
When do you think you will have kids?
Have you ever had a nervous breakdown?
Do you find yourself mentally stable?
How do you deal with pressure?
Do you find yourself qualified for life?
You know you'll be you
And I'll be me
Thank god for individuality
Do you consider yourself ready for life?
You know you'll be you
And I'll be me
Thank god for individuality
Don't lie
Don't kill
Don't smoke
Don't run
Don't yell
Don't panic
Don't steal
Don't cry
Don't die
Don't act
Don't drink
Don't stumble
Don't hate
Don't bitch
Don't cheat
Don't fake
Remember to separate all your kitchen garbage
And turn the water off when you brush your teeth
Only buy organic food
Get a gay friend preferably with a different color
Than your own
You be you
I'll be me
Its individuality
In a way are you qualified?
You be you
I'll be me
Its individuality
Are you qualified for life?
You have a choice of believing in
JV
Allah
Buddha
Goya
Uranus
Zeus
Coronus
Mattes
Apollo
Aries
Athena
Althea
Fall
Odem
Just to name a few
Get married
Get hitched
Get loved
Get gold
Get cleaver
Get big
Get lucky
Get rich
Get humble
Get good
Get free
Get real
Get food
Get water
Get sleep
Get sex
Are you qualified?
You be you
I'll be me
Its individuality
Are you qualified?
You be you
I'll be me
Its individuality
Are you qualified for life?
Yeah
Are you qualified for life?
Are you qualified for life?
Are you qualified?
You be you
I'll be me
Its individuality
Are you qualified?
You be you
I'll be me
Its individuality
Do you find yourself qualified for life??? |
| » Facts Of Life « |
These are the facts (of Lazyboy)
So help me God
This is who we are
This is what we do
This is what it is
The bare facts of the life we live
This is who we are
This is what we do
Did you know that ¼ Americans has appeared on TV?
Did you know 61% of all hits on the Internet are on sex-sites?
Every day 21 new born babies will be given to the wrong parents
The average person swallows 8 spiders in a year
Cannabis is the most widely abused drug in the world
The average person laughs 13 times a day
Elvis was originally blond
The average age of first intercourse is 15.3 years old
The average erect penis is 5.2 inches long
And 4.2 inches circumcised
Eskimos use refrigerators to keep food from freezing
41% of all people take people with curly hair less seriously
20% of all females have had at least 1 homosexual experience
Did you know that there is no such thing as an anti-wrinkle cream?
This is who we are
This is what we do
This is what it is
The bare facts of the life we live
This is who we are
This is what we do
This is what it is
These are the facts of the life that we live
This is who we are
The bare facts of the life we live
This is who we are
This is what we do
This is who we are
22% of the time a pizza will arrive faster than an ambulance in Great-Britain
96% of all women have at one time in their life faked an orgasm
3 people die every year, testing if a 9 volts battery works on their tongue
“The Guinness Book of Records” holds the record for being the most stolen book in public libraries
Butterflies taste with their feet
5% of the population is gay
The world’s best known word is “okay”
The second most well-known word is “Coca-Cola”
The giraffe can clean its ears with its tongue
Charles Chaplin once won 3rd price in a Charles Chaplin look-a-like contest
In 1995 a Japanese trawler sank, because a Russian cargo plane dropped a living cow from 30,000 feet
Only 1 book has been printed in more copies than The Bible – the IKEA catalogue
This is who we are
This is what we do
This is what it is
The bare facts of the life we live
This is who we are
This is what we do
This is what it is
These are the facts of the life that we live
This is who we are
The facts of the life we live
This is who we are
This is what we do
This is who we are
1 cigarette takes away 5 minutes of a person’s life
1950 we were 3 billion people on the earth, today we are 6 billion people
(Time is ticking, ticking, yeah)
Donald Duck was banned in Finland, because he doesn’t wear pants
74% of all nudist females are nudists, because their husbands are nudists
More people die from a champagne-cork popping, than from poison spiders
21% of all traffic accidents happen, because the driver falls asleep
Did you know the originally a Danish guy invented the burglar-alarm – unfortunately, it got stolen
This is who we are
This is what we do
This is what it is
This is who we are
This is what we do
This is what it is
This is who we are
The bare facts of the life we live
This is who we are
This is what we do
This is who we are
This is what we do
So help me God |
| » Inhale Positivity « |
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Enjoy the little things in life
Like the smell of a flower
The sound of a bird
Or the shape of a cloud
Do something different today
Smile to a stranger on the street
Take a different way home
Or go by a CD
With music that you wouldn't have normally bought
Try not to be to hasty
In your judgment of other people
And take life
Less seriously
What you give will always comeback double
Some people spend their whole life waiting for the storm
And never enjoy the sunshine
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Take a deep breath
By taking five deep breaths everyday
It will help remove the build up of toxins in the body
It also lowers your cholesterol in the blood
And strengthens your mind
As you breathe out think only positive thoughts
Like what a great day this is going to be
Surround yourself with successful people
Don't feel threatened by them
Challenge yourself
And learn from them
Success as a mysterious way of attracting success
Like negativity attracts more negativity
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Inhale positivity, exhale negativity
Inhale, inhale exhale, exhale negativity
Inhale, inhale exhale, exhale negativity
Inhale more life and positivity
Exhale pain regrets and negativity
Inhale |
| » Desiderata « |
You are a child of the universe
No less than the trees and the stars
And you have a right to be here
And whether or not it is clear to you
No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should
Therefore, be at peace with God
Whatever you conceive him to be
And whatever your labors and aspirations
In the noisy confusion of life
Keep peace with your soul
I try to be, I strive to be
Oh I wish to be happy
Desiderata
As far as possible, without surrender
Be on good terms with all persons
Speak your truth quietly and clearly
And listen to the dull and ignorant
They too have their story
Avoid loud and aggressive persons
They are vexatious to the spirit
If you compare yourself with others
You may become vain or bitter
For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans
Keep interested in your career however humble
It is a real possession in the changing fortune of time
I try to be, I strive to be
Oh I wish to be happy
Desiderata
Be yourself
Especially do not feign affection
Neither be cynical about love
Take kindly the council of the years
Gracefully surrendering the things of youth
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune
But do not distress yourself with imaginings
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness
Beyond a wholesome discipline
Be gentle to yourself
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams
It is still a beautiful world
I try to be, I strive to be
Oh I wish to be happy
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste
And remember what peace there maybe in the silence |
| » The Manual (Chapter 4) « |
The warmest welcome to everybody reading the manual
The manual gives you the basic information
The ingredients and the six step easy to follow guide
Please pay attention to the useful guide and the helpful tips
As we lead you through
Ingredients
You need
A small piece of thick paper as a mouth piece
The most common is to use the top side
From a hard top cigarette pack
You need large size rolling papers
One of the best brands on the market is smoking
Because their rolling papers are very thin
And are the perfect size
You need
Tobacco
The finest tobacco is hand rolling tobacco
But a second possibility
Is to use the tobacco from a normal cigarette
You need
Pot, grass, ganja, marijuana
It has various names
But they all refer to the following three main types
Weed, weed is the bud from hemp plants
The effect is usually uplifting and mellow
Hash, hash is the pressed pollens and resins of the marijuana plant
You will experience a more relaxed feeling
And a stronger effect than weed
Skunk, skunk is the artificially grown hemp plant
And is usually the strongest of the three
There are different ways to make a joint
But we have produced this six step
Easy to follow guide
One, if you have hash you need to heat it and crumble it
If its weed, you need to remove the seeds first
And then crumble it as well
Two, roll the mouth piece
Fold the end of the paper three times
And then roll it in to a cylindrical form
Three, take the rolling paper
And hold it with the gum side on top away from you
Four, now mix the weed, skunk or hash with the tobacco
On the rolling paper
A good mix makes the joint burn nice and smooth
But be careful
Half a gram is enough to get four people stoned
If your beginners
Five, begin rolling
Place the mouth piece in one end of the rolling paper
Then start rolling from the middle going out wards
Let your thumbs do the walking
And try to give support and pressure with your for fingers
Six, wet the glue and seal the joint
Now you have a joint
It's up to you what you want to do with it |
| » Underwear Goes Inside the Pants « |
Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
You know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources into keeping the old guys erect,
but we're putting people in jail for smoking something that grows in the dirt
You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the mornings?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have this.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is…
There are people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
That is the greatest disease ever. How did you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.
The schools now… It's all about self-esteem in schools.
Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip clubs?
What's gonna happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk daddies missing a lot of dance recitals before you decide to go
blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?
CHORUS:
If you sing, sing, sing
Sing your song,
Sing for me, come on sing
Sing sing sing
Sing your song,
Sing for me
Mastermind is another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorist masterminds that are being killed over in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Masterminds sort of a lofty way to describe what these people do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
"Okay, you take bomb right and you put in backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up."
"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why don't I put…"
"Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?"
Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity, obesity
They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like its polio.
Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
"How'd you get through it grandpa?"
"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, but there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."
Nobody knows why we're getting fatter? Look at our lifestyles.
I'll sit at a drive through.
I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up and making the eight foot walk over to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, supersize. You want biggy fries with that, you want a jumbo fry, you wanna go large.
You wanna biggie fry,
You want thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There's room in the bag. Take it!
You want a 55 gallon drum coke with that? It's only three more cents.
CHORUS:
If you sing, sing, sing
Sing your song,
sing for me,come on sing
Sing sing sing, sing your song,
sing for me
Sometimes you got to suffer a little in your youth to motivate you to succeed later in life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You gotta spend a lot of time stuffin your own locker with your underwear wedged up your arse before you think I'm gona take over the world with computers! You'll see I'll show them."
We're in one of the richest countries in the world,
And the minimum wage is lower now than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for some money the other day.
And I was gonna give it to him but then I thought you're just gonna use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm gonna use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like, your giving him money
He's just gonna waste it.
He's just gonna waste the money
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looked right at the homeless guy and goes why don't you go and get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys, get a job like it's that easy.
This guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.
I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.
Not that they enforce it very strictly, but technically I'm sure it's on the books.
CHORUS:
If you sing, sing, sing
Sing your song,
sing for me, come on sing
Sing sing sing
Sing your song,
sing for me |
| » Man Woman (Yin & Yang) « |
Man women boy women girl……………
Women without a man is nothing
Without her man is nothing
Women have their faults
Men only have two
Everything they say and everything they do
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage
They've experienced pain
And have bought jewelry
Women have two weapons
Cosmetics and tears
I'm a perfect house keeper
Every time I leave a man I keep his house
No women has ever hated a man
Enough to give him back his diamonds
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time
Man women boy women girl…………..
Men forget everything
Women remember everything
A girl can wait for the right man to come along
But it doesn't stop her from having fun
With all the wrong ones in the mean time
The real reason why it's so difficult to find men
Who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
Is because they all have boyfriends already
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend
A successful women is one who can find such a man
Man women boy women girl…………..
Women driver really means
Someone who doesn't speed, tailgates, swear, make obscene gestures
And has a better driving record than men have
It's a guy thing really means
Irrational, illogical, stupid and extremely low
Oh don't fuss I just cut myself, its no big deal
Really means
I'm about to die but before I die
I want you to remember me as a strong proud man
Who never cries
Man women boy women girl…………..
If you want to learn more about women
Watch sex in the city
If you want to learn more about men
Take a good look at Homer Simpson
The difference between light and hard
Is that men can sleep all night with a light on |
| » This Is Truth « |
One life, one shot, one move, one god
This is the truth yeah
Word up for the lazy boy
Word up for the lazy boy
This is the truth
You don't win silver you lose gold
Stop earning the right to be
You won the day you were born
If you don't know what direction you should take
You don't know where you are
Success is a matter of luck, ask any failure
Never let a fool kiss you, or let a kiss fool you
We are born naked, wet and hungry
Then things get worse
Your success is measured by your ability to finish things
Skepticism is the beginning of failure
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names
There is no such thing as right or wrong
Only consequences
One life, one shot, one move, one god
This is the truth yeah
Word up for the lazy boy
Word up for the lazy boy
This is the truth
All men are born equal
But quite a few get over it
We are the people our parents warned us about
Sometimes I think the sure sign that life exists elsewhere in the universe
Is that that none of them tried to contact us
Be nice to nerds
Chances are you'll end up working for one
Do not get mad with others
Because they know more than you
It is not their fault
If you do not change your beliefs
Your life will always be like this
Fantasy is as important as wisdom
Do not try to satisfy everyone
The biggest lie you can tell yourself is
When I get what I want I will be happy
One life, one shot, one move, one god
This is the truth yeah
Word up for the lazy boy
Word up for the lazy boy
This is the truth
Don't take life to seriously, you won't get out alive
It maybe your sole purpose in life
Is to serve as a warning to others
Life is shorter than expected
What you're willing to accept is exactly what you're going to get
You have control without being controlled
Creativity is great but plagiarism is faster
You are the very reason why everything happens to you
Someone said to Voltaire life is hard
Voltaire replied compared to what?
One life, one shot, one move, one god
This is the truth yeah
Word up for the lazy boy
Word up for the lazy boy
This is the truth
One life
One god
Word up for the lazy boy
This is the truth |
| » We Only Read The Headlines « |
You can cut to the chase
And you know its okay
Coz we only read the headlines
We only read the headlines
Baby get to the point
And quit the full play
We only read the headlines
We only read the headlines anyways
54% of bank robberies take place on a Friday
Women blink nearly twice as much as men
Elvis never ever gave an encore
The number of wars fought between countries
That both have at least one McDonalds is zero
Every 5 minutes an area of rainforest the size of a foot ball field
Is eliminated
Women who read romance novels
Have sex twice as often as those who don't
Did you know?
A can of diet coke will float in water
While a can of regular coke will sink
The Muppet show was banned from TV in Saudi Arabia
Because one of its stars was a pig
Males on average think about sex
Every 7 seconds
More than 50% of the people in the world have never made
Or received a telephone call
Syphilis has risen 500% in the last six years in London
Why is it that everybody seems to get older?
Except for Cliff Richard
You can cut to the chase
And you know its okay
Coz we only read the headlines
We only read the headlines
Baby get to the point
And quit the full play
We only read the headlines
We only read the headlines anyways
1 out of 10 girls under 20 is carrying Chlamydia
According to several sources
Dr. Harvey Kellogg tried to make a cure for masturbation
When he made cornflakes
Women are 30% more active during a full moon
Indonesia is the country with the highest scout membership
In every single episode of Seinfeld
There's a superman in at least one scene somewhere
If you weighed all the animals in the world
Hens would be 10% of the total weight
In Minnesota there's a law
That prevents men from having sex with living fish
Jimmy Carter can read 2000 words per minute
Humans and dolphins are the only species
That has sex for pleasure
Danny deVito is taller than Dolly Parton
You can cut to the chase
And you know its okay
Coz we only read the headlines
We only read the headlines
In the papers on the news
Heavens heard there's no excuse
In formations everywhere
All you need to know is right here
It's possible to attend your own funeral
Because the human brain continues to send out electrical wave signals
For up to 37hours following death
We only read the headlines
We only read the headlines
We only read the headlines
You can cut to the chase
And you know its okay
Coz we only read the headlines
We only read the headlines
Baby get to the point
And quit the full play
We only read the headlines
We only read the headlines anyways |
| » It's All About Love « |
It's all about love
No matter what race they are
Prey to god, love everybody'
Whoever loves you love them back
You know love is like a big pot hole
You can look at it but don't fall in it
Love? Well we've been married almost 50years
You have to try real hard and work at it
And look away
Love it hurts and love is the truth
Love never lies, love is not jellous
And love is beautiful
Be faithful to the one you love
Remain true to the one you love
Be nice to everybody
And you know they'll do the same to you
They'll be nice to you
Be open to love, don't get blinded by love
Love is my harley Davidson American made
Nothing like it in the world
I'm first in everything
If I can't love myself, I can't love you
Love the flower love the trees love everything
When you open your eyes in the morning
You say it's a love for me I'm happy
Don't settle no matter how old you are
If you're a girl 30years old and your biological clock is ticking
Coz you feel like you have to have a child
Unless you find a person
Don't settle
Keep looking
Even if you don't find that person till your 40 or 45
Keep looking
Because once you do you'll find your soul mate
It's a love like no other
Follow your heart that it
Don't go after the beauties
That's only skin deep
There's a very thin line between
You know being open to love
And just letting someone take advantage of you
Keep it with god and in your heart
And it works out pretty good
You can't be evil, you gotta have good in your heart
So as I find me a girl, I show her what love is
Go with the flow
Never lose respect
Don't get your heart broken
Respect each other always
Of corse we need love
Like in a relationship its like a rollercoaster up and down
Like if I go in to another room and wait and count to ten and let it go
Becareful with it be very carful
But enjoy it at the same time
I mean don't be too weary
I think its all about yourself
Love yourself then it all kind of
It kinda goes out from that direction
I think a lot of people try to find things and people and cause
Without searching for it within themselves
You got to hit the base first
Or its all kinda hollow
Best thing to do is it talk about it
Whatever it is just talk
Even if it risks the other person getting angry
Whatever
You don't go to bed angry at each other
If you talk it though
I mean all the way though
At the end of it your back in love again
It's the cure all
It's the fix
Is there a recipe to love?
Communicate
Love is giving and forgiving
And that's the way it should be
Every one should love each other
Because there should be no hate in the world
Period
If everyone loved each other
There would be no problems in the world today
We would all be at peace
I believe in peace
Yo, love yourself above all else
Because you may have all your feeling up in somebody else
Love yourself more than anybody else
Love is the meaning of life
Do one cool thing to someone else
Each day
Make it
Whenever your gonna have love
Your gonna have pain
Just accept it
It's the greatest thing that there is |
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